Why Rejections is 1000 paper cuts in online dating

Tldr: everyone wants to feel loved

Everyone wants to feel loved, wanted, worthy, it’s no secret for humans. But the new mediums in which young adults are seeking this attention can be mind boggling. From goths to pets to furries, the potential of creating new connection through the internet is flourishing.

I asked a group of college students “what do you think of people who don’t have a tik tok, snapchat, or instagram?” responses vary:

“if you simply don’t have them because you don’t feel the need for them that’s ok, but if you’re a snob about it then it’s not ok”

“If they not on any…they give me weird churchy vibes”

“I agree I think they need to be on at least one for it to be less weird” 

“as long as they are not a creep then yeah, i would only be a little curious” 

“depends on their reasons, could be a real red flag” 

There is now the possibility of dating thousands of suitors instead of tens of pre-online dating abilities and people growing up with social media are forming entirely different screening methods based on norms that have only been around for a few years.

In these few years, people on dating apps, particularly those of ‘swipe’ variety, encounter hundreds if not thousands of opportunities for rejection.

The exponential increase in potential partners increases the amount of rejection exponentially.

Getting attention among thousands is a numbers game. And people will go to great lengths to get attention with opening statements such as:

“I’ve never been with an asian before so we should smash” (have sex)

“Why are you so f***ing cute but so f***ing fat?” 

“big (breasts), no a** built like an improper fraction” 

These are offensive and crass attempts at getting attention and show the desperation of men to try and get noticed. 57% of tinder conversations are 1 message.

Young adults are accused of being thin-skinned, but how many of the Greatest Generation or Boomers are willing to throw themselves into a gauntlet of seemingly unending rejection and disappointment while searching for romance?

Participation on these platforms is the norm, not the exception.

Finding love has become an assault by a thousands paper cuts of rejection, a ghosting here, a stood up date there, and un-replied messages on repeat.

But online dating grows in popularity, our human desire for commune and closeness persists and evolves online.

If young people have thin skin, there must be some redeeming quality about their ability to sustain this rejection by a thousand paper cuts.

-Adam @thatmhg

founder of www.avalo.app

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